So it’s That Time of Year when your students get on each other’s nerves and YOURS to a greater degree than ever before. The behaviors that have irritated you nonstop for eight months have now become unbearable. Intolerable. Your eyes roll involuntarily at the very mention of a certain student’s name.
I’ve been wanting to write something about that for weeks, but a) I don’t blog anonymously, hence I never say anything negative about my students even in general (what, you just thought I taught in a perfect school?) and b) there are some behaviors that are so annoying that they cannot be put into words.
Except? They can. Check out this hilarious little gem from Mei Flower’s blog:
Jiminy crickets, this child is annoying.
No. Annoying is not even the word for it. This is going to require more words than just that.Imagine, if you will, that you are locked in a room with fluorescent lighting, and one of the bulbs keeps blinking. Also in this room, there is a television that plays only static, and the Muzak plays “It’s a Small World” on an endless loop. A tiny mosquito keeps biting you, and you have a horrible itch right in between your toes. You hear, but cannot see, another person who keeps sniffling, but never blows his nose. Somebody, somewhere, bounces a ball against the wall and never stops. A child is kicking the back of your chair. Your little brother holds his finger one centimeter from your cheek and chants, “I’m not touching you.” A Psych 101 freshman begins to analyze you. A thread hangs from your sleeve, and when you pull it, it just keeps unraveling and unraveling and unraveling. Water drips on your face, but you can’t tell where it’s coming from. Somebody has decided to favor you with a re-imagining of Austin Powers, complete with the horrible, horrible British accent. The idiot next to you is chewing his gum with his mouth open. Someone else is rubbing pieces of styrofoam together. Elizabeth Hasselbeck starts to talk to you. You can’t stop hearing “My Heart Will Go On” in your head. You’re forced to participate in an Old Maid tournament. And then Rob Schneider shows up.
Now, multiply that by 19,348,674,928,686,205,992,475,608,976,509,867,520, and you will have .000000001% of the amount of annoying that this child is.
I only have him 45 minutes every other day, but sometimes I wish I would die just so I can get away from him.
He would be useful in torture situations, when our military leaders are trying to extract information from prisoners. One second with him, and they would vomit up everything they know.
Thank you, Mei Flower, for putting into words what I could not. I try hard to stay positive, but when I read that post, all I could think was, Oh, thank God it’s not just ME.
Are you at the end of your rope, patience-wise? How’s your sanity level at this point in the year? Commiseration welcome…
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{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
That’s hilarious!! And not, because I know how she feels!!
It’s funny. Because it’s true.
Sigh.
I have nothing else to add. Except that I have two of those kids in one of my groups. And they set each other off…
I have one of those children this year. Why are these the kids who are NEVER absent???? LOL only 30ish days left!
OMG! Perfect timing for this post. One of my kids has been getting on my last nerve the last couple of days. I don’t know if it’s because it’s the end of the year or what. I feel like pulling my hair out when I am dealing with him. I try hard not to do the eye rolling thing or show any other kind of exasberation but boy is it hard! I just want to yell “Stop driving me CRAZY!”
Does anyone have any advice about dealing with a teammate that you feel this way about? I tried unsuccessfully to get the principal to move me to another grade level. Arggh!
I am right there with you! And yes…they seem to never be absent either!
I’ve got one in my room too. I’ve literally had to just walk out and decompress in the hallway a couple of times this past week just so I don’t actually tell him to shut up. Just a few more weeks…
Sarah: You’re totally right–in a way it ISN’T funny, because feeling like that is the worst!
Teacherninja: Ooh, good point about ‘those kids’ setting one another off. The annoying-ness definitely increases when the kids play off each other. I’m not sure what’s worse–when the annoying ones get along and team up, or when they don’t get along and fight!
Anon: Anytime one of ‘those kids’ are absent, it’s always a shock, right?
Marlene: Yep, I think the post had perfect timing, too. We’re ALL there.
Anon: Good question! I might put that as a topic for another post. What DO teachers do when the annoying one is a co-teacher?
Brittney: OK, whew. Not just me. There’s a lot of comfort in knowing that. Teaching is such an isolating profession, it’s easy to think you’re the only one.
Amber: I’m picturing you stepping out in the hallway to cool down. HAH! Wow, it MUST be bad…
Ah… now is my Art Show time. Organizing the art of 600 kids… 3000 pieces to be exact. Getting them labeled, finished up, touched up, matted and separated to be hung all at once for TWO WHOLE HOURS so students can run around the school in their socks after hours, eating popsicles from the ice cream cart outside… shouting at their parents as they go… “There’s mine! There’s mine!”
And the parents casually glance up, possibly staring at what is fifth grade level art… done by their 6 year old, and they smile and nod eagerly- when their face really says “I wish I was home watching ‘Trading Spaces’.
And when I contemplate that THIS is the reason that I am pulling out my hair, staying late every night until 8 pm for three weeks… weakening my immune system and giving myself a cold which coincidentally won’t go away because I’m not sleeping at night… yeah…
I find myself gritting my teeth almost every single class of the day. 180 days all stacking up to one gargantuan obligatory event that no one really remembers 3 days later?
Ok- this doesn’t really have to do with a particular annoying kiddo PERSAY… but man did I need to vent on my lunch break today. Sorry about that one…
Crikey, yes. I can attest that they don’t stop being that way, even in college!
I’ve got these three girls who have suddenly decided that they have already gone to college, gotten a teacher’s degree, and are now suddenly teaching my class. At least, they’re bossing everyone else around like they are the queens of the world. I said to them, “Who’s the teacher?” They said, “You are.” I said, “Good. I just wanted to be reminded of whose name was going to be on the paycheck this month.”
Lord. I told them to bring their dolls to school and start bossing THOSE around.
I agree with what has been said and it’s nice to know that we’re not alone. I agree about the co-worker too. What can you do about that especially when you work in close proximity to them. Help!!!
Wow, just how I feel! I’ve got a few I’m just so tired of dealing with day in and day out! At home their parents say they are “perfect children” but somehow at school the undergo an amazing transformation in something horrid! Even the best kids are going crazy, like the one who brought a marble from home and swallowed it during music class! All afternoon she kept running to the bathroom to see if it had come out yet!
I bet we’re all good teachers and yet we ALL relate to this. Good to feel like we’re not alone, huh?
This is great timing! Yes, I can relate, unfortunately! Thanks for sharing.. you have such a wonderful way of validating the universal teacher experience.
Oh. My. Gosh. I had one of those this year. I’m looping with some of my students and told my principal that if I had this child again, I would be suicidal, and it would be on his conscience. I use to describe this child as a “mosquito buzzing around my head”. I agree with all of her decriptions except the one about Elizabeth Hasselback. I happened to be a conservative as well, so I like her.