Hilarious kid stories shared by real teachers

This is a collection of stories teachers have emailed me that started with posts from the Teachers.net Primary Education chat board (which has since been divided into separate grade levels).  Someone on the board came up with the idea to post the funniest classroom stories, and what follows are hilarious TRUE tales from classrooms all across America that I copied and pasted from the chat board, combined with the awesome stories that you all email to me.  Because the teachers don’t use their real names on the boards (or often, any names at all), I haven’t been able to give credit to the contributors.  If you recognize any of the anecdotes below and would like to add your name to it, please email me.  (Many of these anecdotes could be incriminating, though, so anonymity is probably best!) Old posts are not archived at Teachers.net, so this is the only place you’ll find the collection of stories below. I’ve divided them into classic kid moments and classic parent moments (encounters with students’ parents). Enjoy!!

True teacher stories: Funny stuff kids say in the classroom

During the Christmas/holiday classroom party, a boy comes up to me with a gift bag (obviously re-used) and says: “Here teacher…my mom got this present and she didn’t want it and she called everyone in our family and they didn’t want it either so she said to just bring it to school and give it to you!”  I love how they tell the truth! If their parents only knew how much they really tell us

Mine happened at the beginning of this year. At one point all the students were doing their assignments and on task. It was a lovely few minutes! LOL Anyway, this one girl all of a sudden yelled out “I’m tired of this! Raise your hand if you want to go home!” Well, of course most of the class raised their hands and that lovely time was over. She reminds me, in some ways, of Junie B Jones and I think that comment is something she might say. I try to laugh them off (in my head) but oh, how sometimes it’s really a challenge.

As Christmas approached, a boy announced that Santa Claus isn’t real. One of my bright students tearfully said, “Ms. A., he’s disrespecting my religious beliefs!”

Earlier this year I was approached by one of my kindergarteners in tears. I asked her what was wrong. “____ just called me a baby!”  I called the other little girl over and said,” Did you just call ____a baby?” “No, no, no!” shouted the little girl. “I said ‘Hey baby!’ You know like the mom said to the dad when she calls him and wants him to come over for the night.”

Student A didn’t do her homework and told me that she couldn’t because her mom made her go buy a new cat that night and she wanted to play with the cat instead and her mom said it was okay… This story checked out. A phone call later, mom says yes, she was too tired from playing with her cat so she didn’t see the need for her to do her homework. She’ll do it another time.

This was definitely a classic moment that I heard through my cooperating teacher during my student teaching experience. I still laugh at the thought. While grading science tests for her third grade class, this teacher noticed a memorable response to one of the questions. It said:  ‘Please list the three states of matter…’. The reply was, “North Carolina, Virginia, and Kentucky.” The three states THAT matter! HA!

I teach third grade. About a month ago we had a sick student who was out for a couple of weeks. I told my class that I would get some things for him, we would make some get well cards and send it all to the boy. I got some things from Wal-Mart and left them in my truck. I asked three of my boys to go to my truck (parked right outside our door) and get the items from the backseat. I gave one of the boys a list– model airplane, poster to color, crossword puzzle etc… When they came back into the room he was holding several sacks. I could see that one of the small sacks held a box of tampons. (I forgot they were back there.) My teaching partner was in my room and before I could do anything the boy took them out of the sack, held them up over his head and yells, “I guess this is the crossword puzzle.” My co-teacher and I were both so red and trying not to laugh that I just said, “Uh-huh” and put the box back in the bag. His mom is an Assistant Principal on another campus. I emailed her to tell her the story and so that she would know if they were ever on the feminine product aisle and he asked for a crossword puzzle she would know what he meant. She thought it was too funny.

Many years ago, when I was teaching 5th grade, I was grading students’ science homework papers. One of the questions was “Who developed the system of naming organisms?” or something like that. Anyway, the correct answer was supposed to be Carl Linnaeus. One of my students wrote ‘Adam’ for his answer. When I questioned him about it, he said he was referring to Adam in the Bible. He had learned in Sunday School that Adam had named all the animals in the Garden of Eden. Guess what? I counted his answer correct!

I just remembered another one. I was teaching at a Christian school at the time, and we did a week-long study of Martin Luther. We learned all about the Protestant Reformation and Luther’s life. At the end of the unit, the book had a picture of Martin Luther. When one student saw it, his response was, “I always thought that guy was black.”

My first week of my first year of teaching, I turned my head for a moment during an art project and I had two students cut their hair!! I’ll never forget that!  [I also had this happen.  The child had about fifty braids on her head and one got snipped off.  The parent was so furious that she demanded her child be removed from my class!  The principal was so dumbfounded he just told her to think that over and if she still really wanted to take her out of my class the next day, he would do it.  She called the next day and apologized, hehe. –Angela].

One I will NEVER forget… I was teaching kinder in South Los Angeles: rough neighborhood, gangs, prostitutes, drugs, etc. So, I never knew what was going to come out of my students’ mouths. We had a few tricycles on our little playground and only one red one. Well, one of my kids loved that red bike. We came out to recess and another little boy was on it. My student went up to this boy, put his hands on the handlebars, and said, “Get of the bike, b****!”

My first year of teaching I had a boy named Patrick who never hung up his coat. I was tired of it and I warned him that it was going in the trash can the next time I found it on the floor. Well, the next time it happened…I threw it in the trash, with the good intention of taking it out within a few minutes. Within that few minutes a student felt sick and vomited in the trash can! Did I have some explaining to do to the parents. I was very lucky because I knew the parent and had worked with him before I became a teacher. I called him to explain, and he laughed and said they had the same problem with him at home. Boy, was I lucky. I offered to get it dry cleaned, but they said “No. Send it home in a garbage bag!”

My students were sitting around talking about what their dads do for a living. One of mine said “My dad fixes boobies!” I later asked the mom what dad did. She replied, “He is an anesthesiologist”. I told her the comment, and she told us that relatives had recently asked dad what his favorite surgery was. He said boob jobs, because he sits at the patient’s eye level and gets to tell the dr. if they are even!!! Apparently junior overheard the conversation. I laugh about this every time I think about it!

I teach kindergarten and when I was urging a student to get down to work, he looked up and me and said, “You do know that I didn’t sign up for this. My dad did it.”

My first year of teaching I had a terribly naughty little boy (he tried to pull the fire alarm on the first day of school). About midway through the year he drew a picture at free time and brought it up to show me. He pointed to the pictures saying, “Look, this is me and on my shoulders I drew those two guys that tell you to do good things or bad things… I like to listen to the bad one!” It was so funny (and true) all I could do was hug him and laugh!

Another time we had been talking about healthy eating and our bodies and one boy raised his hand and said, “If you look at your arms you can see the VINES inside your body.”

One moment happened several years ago when I taught grade one. Each primary class had received one of those colorful carpets with the seven continents on it. Well, day 2 of having this carpet, Andre got very sick, and threw up. When his dad came to take him home, Andre proudly says, “Daddy, I threw up all over North America AND South America!”

This one came from my then 4-year old grandson…I had promised to take him to the local ice cream shop one summer evening. He had been playing with some neighborhood friends and if we were going to get to the shop before it closed we needed to leave. As I put him in the car, he protested because he wanted to play some more. Well, we were driving and I turned to him and asked, “What kind of ice cream are you going to get tonight?’ He would not answer me. So I turned to my husband who was driving and said, “I guess I’m getting the silent treatment.” From the backseat we heard, “I don’t think they have that kind.”

I was teaching in a rural school district in a town of about 1200 people. It was 3rd grade. We were discussing Native American Indians. The kids were really into the discussion, when one little girl named Alysha raised her hand and said, “I know a whole lot about Native American Indians!” I said, “Oh you do? She said, “Yes, the reason I know so much about them is because my daddy is FULL BLOODED REDNECK!”

My favorite came from child in my pre-first grade class. He’d been gone for several days because his grandfather had passed away. When he returned I told him we’d missed him. He told me, “I had to go to Iowa because my grandpa died and I had to be at the back and be a polar bear.” When I called the mom to share that with her, she told me that indeed, all the grandsons ages six to adult had been the pallbearers. I’ve never been to a funeral since that I don’t think of that and smile.

It was the beginning of a new school year and it was still quite hot outside. I finally got my first graders on target one afternoon and was really quite happy with how the math lesson was going. At the same time one of my students who had a speech problem was scratching away at about 50 mosquito bites on his legs (I am not kidding). Right in the middle of the lesson, Christopher YELLS…”Mithuth. ____, theeth mothquito biteth are a pain in the ath.” Before I could think, I said, “Christopher, what did you say?” And, he repeated it again! I had a terrible time trying to keep from laughing! I sent him right to the nurse for some cream!

Just the other day in first… One of my shyest little boys wasn’t doing his work so I walked over to him and just as I bent down, he tells the little girl across from him, “You are just so beautiful, I can’t stop staring at you!” At least I knew why he wasn’t working!

I have a student whose father is a biology professor at a local college and is mother in a high school resource teacher. For Valentine’s Day he made a card for his dad with a beaker on it, saying “to a great biology teacher.” On the other side, for his mom, it said, “to whatever kind of teacher you are”.

Once while playing checkers with a 2nd grader, I was asked what my favorite things were. I wasn’t sure what to say, so just to be funny I said, “Oh, I think my favorite things are new shoes and clean socks!” “Well if you like clean socks,” he said with honest eyes, “you’re playing with the wrong kid!” I laughed till I cried and he laughed too!

After falling during morning recess and hurting his thumb, a boy told me during a math lesson “I can’t do math today.” When I asked why he said “Because it hurts when I make a 9.” (He was using his fingers to add!!!) I told him to make the “four” with his other hand!

This year, I worked with BSI [a special education program?], and would pull students out of classrooms to work with me.  Many of the children would raise their hands and ask to go with me.  One day, toward the end of the year, their classroom teacher said, “What, no one wants to stay here with me?” Well, one little girl that I worked with said, “Don’t worry Mrs. Smith, I like you better.”  Mrs. Smith said, “Oh no, don’t say that in front of Mrs. Morrison!” Then the little girl said, “Well, not by that much!”    I could not stop laughing!

I have 10 girls and 5 boys in my 2nd grade class this year. All the girls are utterly and completely horse crazy! I found this note on the floor after school one day. Obviously someone was daydreaming and having a horse ranch owners fantasy… 9:00 – build barn, 10:00 – make a fence, 11:00 – catch horses, 12:00 – train horses, 1:00 – ride horses, 2:00 – brush horses.  I had to show the other teachers. It was so well thought out, but maybe a bit ambitious! Did I mention we were doing a math unit on time?

One year, in a second grade classroom, we read a story about a little girl who flew around the world and saw many different things, one of which was the Statue of Liberty.  When the students were asked to name something she saw on her journey, a little boy said the Spatula Delivery!  Too cute!

[Love this one!] Last year’s class was probably the sweetest group of kids I’ve worked with. One day it was getting close to recess and I had a few kids off task. I reminded them that before we could go outside there were certain things that needed to be done and, just for emphasis, I held up my plan book and pointed to the day’s agenda. One little boy’s eyes widened in surprise and he blurted out, “Omigod! You mean you write this stuff down?!”

Share YOUR Stories!

Every teacher has hilarious tales from the classroom–add yours in the comments below!




  1. Mrs. Brittany

    During our library time, the week of St. Patricks Day, our school librarian had my second grade students watch a video of irish dancers. Since we are from a rural community in Central Missouri, she thought she would help them make a connection by comparing the dancers to cloggers that we have see at our local city festival. She however did not expect one of my little darlings to make a connection in another way. He turned around and said to me, “I can clog… A TOILET!!!!” I almost cried I was laughing so hard.

    • Madilynn Svor

      too funny!

    • Briony simms

      Haha my child did that

      • B Simms

        Hahah I put that

  2. Ms. Brown

    On my very first official observation in October of my first year teaching a 7th/8th self-contained bridge class, I was continuing our narrative writing brainstorming. We had already completed the past and present and were brainstorming goals and aspirations. The students took the time to write down 5 things they would like to achieve in their futures (the instructions were much more expliciti). I then had them turn and talk and present to the class. All was going well until I reached O. O says “I would like to be three things. A Basketball player and a chef.” Knowing O, I knew to move on; so I did. My AP cuts in and says “Wait O. What was the third thing?” O smiled and my heart sank. O very proudly replied “I wanna be a pornstar!” to which his best friend chimes in “cuz you gots to please the b—–s!” The kids died laughing and I just died. Fortunately my AP pulled me into her office, told me she should have seen that coming (O was infamous) and reassured me that I wasn’y going to get a U.

    • Madilynn Svor


  3. Angela Watson

    These are great stories! Normally, I respond personally to every comment on the site, but I don’t want to do that for the funny stories. I’m going to just let site visitors read them through without my interruption! But, please know I really appreciate the time you all take to post. Carry on!

    • Summer Rich

      Mrs. Brittany,
      That is hilarious! I died laughing. I once had a student say the exact same thing, only it wasn’t even close to funny because he is in the 10th grade.

  4. Mrs. Travers

    Every year at the beginning of the school year, my husband comes in and I introduce him to my Kindergarten class. I tell them how long we have been married and show them a picture of our family. My husband will usually take a few minutes to talk to them, also. On this particular occasion, after the short introduction, I told him goodbye and gave him a quick peck on the lips. As he turned to leave, one of my little girls sitting in the front turns to her friend and says “Do you think she kisses all the parents?!”. I just about died laughing.

  5. Joyce Sinyard

    I teach 2nd grade and we adopted a new reading program this year – Reading Street by Scott Foresman (I love it – great stories). Each week we have “amazing words.” One week we had the word inquire. I asked if anyone knew what the word meant. One child said, “It’s when you sing in church.”

  6. Ligia

    Oh, I have thousands of funny storied but some of them only make some sense in my own language (Portuguese)…I´ll share some that would make sense anywhere in the world, though.
    It is amazing how children tend to think that teachers are not ‘normal’ humans, and that we also do human things… I wonder iy they think we don´t do laundry, groceries, or poop…
    One day, I was leaving the teacher´s bathroom and one of my little girls was sitting by the door. When I opened that, she looked up at me and told me: ‘Oh, there you are! I would never have thought about checking the bathroom…’ lol…Then, part two of the story, she went back to the classroom, and I went back there too, a couple of minutes later. When I entered the room, she was talking to two other girls: ‘I wonder what Ms. Ligia does in the bathroom?’ One of the girls replied: ‘Maybe she just goes in there when she needs some time off”. LOL

  7. Lauren Evans

    During Christmas time, my 1st graders were writing cards for the people at a nearby nursing home. When I went through and read some of the cards, I noticed that one of my students wrote “I hope you don’t die before Christmas”! When I went to go talk with him about it, he sincerely responded “But I really hope she doesn’t….”

  8. Ms. Wells

    I teach 3rd grade. I have 14 boys and 12 girls. 26 was hard for me this past year. We had a Chinese day. It’s where we talk about China and I make rice for the students and give them chopsticks. Well, I have this little boy that is Veitnamese. His mom works at the local nail salon. I was talking about how China is where a lot of your clothes, toys, and more is from. Well I had a boy yell out, “Is that where ____ is from?”

  9. Amy Hurtado

    I teach 3rd grade. We were working through a non fiction writing unit. One student chose to research and write about sharks. When asked to answer where sharks came from she answered, “San Jose” as though there were no other possible answer. It took a second for me to figure out she was talking about the San Jose Sharks hockey team! It was too cute and I felt bad having to correct her!

  10. Miss Michelle

    One day 4 year old child S. was the first student to arrive in my classroom for the day. I happened to be walking across the room with a meter stick in my hand. Child S. asked me the all too common question “What is that?” I told her that it was a meter stick. She, obviouslly having a good idea of what I meant, got a little smirk on her face and asked me “What does it like greet people and give them high fives and stuff!?” It took me several seconds to figure out where she was going with this comment but when I finally did there was nothing I could do to hide my ammusement! To this day it amazes me that she was able to come up with that response so quickly.

  11. Gail Tanner

    At the school where I taught previously, students would line up on the blacktop before the morning bell. I would pick them up and we would walk together to the classroom. There was, of course, a no-talking rule in the hallway and I would often tell them, “If it doesn’t involve fire, blood, or throwing up, save it until we get to the classroom.” Well, one morning “M” kept saying, “Mrs. T, Mrs. T, I have to tell you something. I asked, “Does it involve, blood, fire, or throwing up?” “No”, he replied. But he kept saying, “Mrs. T, Mrs. T”. Finally, exasperated, I turn to him and ask gruffly, “WHAT?” He says, “I saw a pirate movie.” There’s a moment of silence as I stand and stare at him. And, with perfect comedic timing, he says, “It was rated RRRRR!”

  12. Ms. Minuto

    One day I had one of my kindergartners come up to me and say, “Hey Ms. Minuto, are you from Tennessee?” I said, “Umm, no… why?” to which he replied with a big grin, “Because you’re the only ten I see!!!” I almost died laughing!!

    • Hi

      CUTE. In my grade 7th there this boy who says that to all the teatchers it would be cut if he wasnt 13

  13. Molly Davie

    One of my first graders were being silly on the playground and I told him he was being a comedian, He stopped dead in his tracks and with a cranky face looked at me and said; ” No I am not!” Then I said; ” you are to a comedian, you crack me up all the time.” He then stomped his foot and said;” No I am not I was born right here in the United States of America”…. It took me a few seconds to understand why he was getting so upset.. then I realized he thought I was calling him a Canadian.

    • Hi

      I read this and died laughing

  14. Carla

    This is my favorite kindergarten moment ever. A child was upset because her cat had died. I told her how sorry I was, and went on to tell her that I used to have a cat, and was sad when I had to find a home for her because my husband was allergic to cats. She looked at me in shock and questioned, “You’re married?’ When I replied that I was indeed married, she continued…”I know what you did on your wedding day” I was afraid to ask, but went ahead- she replied, “You ate cake!”

    • Kassie

      Did you teach at Anderson Elementary in Wichita?

  15. Frances Gonzalez

    Many years ago when I taught 2nd grade, I remember calling the students down to the rug to read them a story. I responded by telling them, “Ok, boys and girls settle down”, no response. Then I replied, “Ok, people”. One of my students turned to me and exclaimed, “You called us people?!!? Hilarious!!

  16. Ms. Ari

    I’m an education major and I’m currently involved in a few different programs with kids. These all happened within my first day volunteering at a science camp held at my university. The kids are split up in groups depending on grade level, and I was working with the K-2 group, learning about dinosaurs and paleontology.

    Before the day’s lesson even began, the students were sitting at their tables, coloring, and the volunteers were asked to go around and kind of break the ice, to get the kids talking to each other. I went up to one table, and asked my students what their favorite movies were. This table was mostly girls, who excitedly squealed about their love for “Frozen,” except for the one very shy and reserved boy seated at their table, who just so happened to be named Sven. He didn’t even look up from his coloring page to tell me, “I hate Frozen.”

    One of the activities during the lesson was for the students to draw a dinosaur and then come up with a name for it based on the characteristics that it had. Some kids drew a “spikysaurus” because their dinosaurs had spikes, others drew “veggie raptors” because their dinosaurs had flat teeth, and were thus herbivores. One little girl had finished her drawing, labeled it, and proudly showed it to me. She had drawn a “pussysaurus.” When I asked her why she named her dinosaur that, without missing a beat she said “because it eats pussys!” The head teacher was standing behind me, his attention had clearly been caught, and he could tell I was just as confused/mortified as he was. He approached the student and said, “what does your dinosaur eat?” To which she replied, “it eats pussy cats!” It took everything in us not to start erupting with laughter.

    Finally, came the students favorite part of the day- snack time. As the kids were finishing up, they started to get bored and a little rambunctious. Some were spinning around in their chairs, others were throwing things, and a couple kids had gotten up from their tables and started to wander around the room. Mind you, this class takes place inside one of the science labs, and has a door in the back of the room that leads to the professors offices. Because this is a college science lab, the room is filled with beakers, goggles, cabinets marked with the poison symbol, all that typical science-y stuff. One student, who was being particularly frustrating (he had already had three “conversations” with the head teacher in the hallway), decided that he was going to leave the classroom and wander out the door leading to the professors offices. Of course, none of the other volunteers/teachers saw this happen, so I had to run out the door after him, terrified because since I am a student, I knew I wasn’t supposed to be back there. The little punk ran down the hallway, and into a professors office. “You’re not supposed to be back here, let’s go back into the classroom and work on our activity,” I tell him, in my best stern “teacher voice.” This clearly didn’t faze him, and he only asked, “why can’t I be back here?” I wasn’t really sure what to tell him, so I just said “because there’s stuff back here that’s not for kids.” Still unfazed, he just smirked and proceeded to ask “what kiiiiind of stuff?” I was in a hurry to get him back into the room, and was a bit flustered, so I just said “chemicals. They keep all of the dangerous chemicals back here.” The expression on his face went blank, and he very quickly went back into the classroom. Never have I seen a child look so terrified.

  17. Miss M

    “If a school is comprised of 9 classes and each class has 65 pupils in it, how many pupils are there in the school?”


    “How did you get that answer?”

    “Well you times 65 by 9 because there are 9 classes. Then you double the number.”

    “Why did you double it?”

    *exacerbated* “Because we all have 2 pupils” (pointing to their eyes) “duh!”


  18. Julia Johnson

    I am student teaching and the lesson was over inherited traits and one of the questions were are you color blind. The one student raised his hand and goes I am just regular blind does that count? (he wore glasses).

  19. jen

    While I was waiting for my university results,I worked as a kindergarten teacher. (Miss the kids,btw) We were all having our lunch break and the kids were eating then suddenly we could hear the sound of water dripping. I tried to look for the source but couldn’t see any signs of cups being knocked off the table but then i realised one of my students was happily eating while peeing at the same time. Talk about 2 in 1 !

  20. Jan Berry

    When my grandson was in first grade I picked him up after school. Well one day I pick him up and it was a hot summer day. My air conditioner was not working and I told him to roll down his window and it would be a little cooler. Well the window was very hard to roll down and he was struggling to get it down. The next time I picked him up I told him I had put WD 40 in the window track and it might be easier now to roll down. As he is struggling again to get it down, He looks at me and says “Nani, you should have used WD 100 !

  21. Jerry Manning

    I was trying to teach the children how to share information without talking.
    I would cross my arms and they would readily say, “I love you!” I would
    point to an article and motion for them to bring it to me, which they readily
    do. I would fold my hands and bow my head and they would say, “Praying.”
    And then, I raised one fist in the air, pumped it a time or two (the way the
    athletes do when they make a good play), and one little girl said, “YOU’RE

  22. Have A Fantastic Weekend - West of the 5Ohh

    […] Hilarious kid stories shared by real teachers. […]

  23. Emma Walker

    I remember when I was teaching 2nd-grade students, one girl came to me and told me about a guy who used to tease her with a song, and that guy had also expressed his feelings for her. On hearing this, I was burst out of laughing in my heart and scolded the kid in real. It’s a good memory. Lol!

  24. Child Bookends

    Thank you for this amazing and funny blog! I really appreciate and for sure the kids will love it.

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