Whether your school is already out for the summer and you’re in relaxation mode or you’re heading into the final few days, I have a feeling you’re ready for some comic relief. I love to read the funny things that kids say and do. Here are some of my favorites from this page of hilarious kid stories I’ve compiled over the years along with some pictures of funny things teachers have encountered when grading student work:


At the school where I taught previously, students would line up on the blacktop before the morning bell. I would pick them up and we would walk together to the classroom. There was, of course, a no-talking rule in the hallway and I would often tell them, “If it doesn’t involve fire, blood, or throwing up, save it until we get to the classroom.” Well, one morning “M” kept saying, “Mrs. T, Mrs. T, I have to tell you something. I asked, “Does it involve, blood, fire, or throwing up?” “No”, he replied. But he kept saying, “Mrs. T, Mrs. T”. Finally, exasperated, I turn to him and ask gruffly, “WHAT?” He says, “I saw a pirate movie.” There’s a moment of silence as I stand and stare at him. And, with perfect comedic timing, he says, “It was rated RRRRR!”


This is my favorite kindergarten moment ever. A child was upset because her cat had died. I told her how sorry I was, and went on to tell her that I used to have a cat, and was sad when I had to find a home for her because my husband was allergic to cats. She looked at me in shock and questioned, “You’re married?’ When I replied that I was indeed married, she continued…”I know what you did on your wedding day.” I was afraid to ask, but went ahead. She replied, “You ate cake!”


One day it was getting close to recess and I had a few kids off task. I reminded them that before we could go outside there were certain things that needed to be done and, just for emphasis, I held up my plan book and pointed to the day’s agenda. One little boy’s eyes widened in surprise and he blurted out, “Omigod! You mean you write this stuff down?!”


One moment happened several years ago when I taught grade one. Each primary class had received one of those colorful carpets with the seven continents on it. Well, day 2 of having this carpet, Andre got very sick, and threw up. When his dad came to take him home, Andre proudly says, “Daddy, I threw up all over North America AND South America!”


I teach kindergarten and when I was urging a student to get down to work, he looked up and me and said, “You do know that I didn’t sign up for this. My dad did it.”


Please share your funniest stories in the comments here or on Facebook!



  1. Juliana

    Just posted this status on my Facebook from today (our last day of school)…So many favorite moments from today including having a dance party while cleaning the classroom with my students. But the best moment of all included the clear innocence of 7 year old children…We were standing outside waiting for lunch when my kiddos pointed out 2 birds that came out from their next in the pipes above. One bird kept jumping on top of the other bird and “ahem-ing.” I could only internally freak out hoping my kiddos wouldn’t understand when one student says, “awe…they’re playing hop skotch.” Awesome. Hop skotch it is from now on.

  2. Kaylon

    I found a live mouse in my desk drawer one afternoon after school. I made the mistake of telling my students about it and what my reaction was. Well, it was on then. I came into the classroom a few days later and a student had left a rose on my desk for Valentine’s Day. I “ooed” and “ahhed” over it and turned it over to see if there was a card showing who it was from. Well, there wasn’t, but there was a paper mouse inside the bouquet!! I laughed and laughed and when I found out who did it, I was astonished. The quietist, most introverted girl in my class had done it! When I looked at her, she was sitting there with a big grin on her face. Well, for a few weeks after that, I would find “mice” everywhere – in a stack of papers; on my desk chair; even tiny ones on my phone. I stapled all of them to my cork strip above my white board until we had amassed over 40. On the last day of school we took them down and divided them among the class. This year was certainly the “Year of the Mouse”!

  3. Jennifer

    I have a pretty strict rule during writing time we are not talking because we are thinking. Well during this time one of my girl students had to use the restroom. The class was unusually quiet that you could hear a pin drop. At that time the girl in the restroom started singing, she was in there for a pretty long time. I could hear some of the students quietly asking their neighbor who is that. Out of the corner of my eye I saw them looking at me and my reaction. I knew the kids wanted to laugh and I couldn’t help but have a huge smile on my face. The whole class burst into laughter. Only seconds later did the girl open the bathroom door with a look of wonder and confusion as to why we were laughing. I asked her if she was trying out for American Idol. She was very clueless that we could hear every note she sang.

    • Angela Watson

      This happened to my students soooo many times! You’d think they’d learn after hearing their classmates sing, but nope! LOL!

  4. Nathan Tackett

    A few years ago, I was assisting a female student with determining what she wanted to do with her future. She informed me that she wanted to go into politics. I told her she needed to research Hillary Clinton, because, at the time, she had been Secretary of State for two years, not to mention her other political accomplishments. The young lady replied “Who’s that?” I said “Well, she is our Secretary of State.” The young lady grew frustrated and quipped back “I said I wanted to go into politics; I don’t want to work in an office as someone’s secretary.”

  5. Mindi

    This happened a few years ago. I was teaching K and 1/3 of the the class was Chinese while at least another 1/3 was Korean. They spent a lot of time talking about this together. We were doing a “write and color the letter” page, and one of my little guys came up and said, “What do we do when we’re finished writing the letter?” I told him (again) to color it in crayon. He went back to his seat for a minute then came back. He looked very sad. I asked what was wrong. He answered, “I’m Chinese. I can’t color it in Korean.” I managed to say “CRAYON, not Korean” before leaving the room for a second so I could laugh.

  6. Molly

    I was in a 5th grade social studies class, supporting some of my lower learning support students. They were learning about the branches of government. One girl did know who the president was so I asked her if she knew where he lived. She said, “Oh yeah, he lives by the water in the light house.” 😉
    On the same day, talking about the responsibilities of the president, one girl said, “But he has all of those people in a big cupboard to help him.” (referring of course, to his cabinet) 🙂

  7. Shelly Wood

    I took a position as a teachers assistant in a pre-k classroom, while working on my EC degree. It was my first classroom experience, other than occasionally volunteering at the early childhood center. As part of my orientation, I received specialized training for a young girl who suffered from seizures. Honestly, at the time, I was a bit apprehensive at the thought of dealing with such an occurrence. One day, we’d prepared a “spider” cookie for snack, with red hots for eyes, 8 pretzel legs, and wafer cookies as the body. The teacher stepped out of the classroom for just a moment and I was alone with the class. I noticed the little girl began to tremble, a bit of what looked like blood, trickled from her nose and her eyes rolled upward, into the back of her head. IMMEDIATELY, I went into action, following protocol for a seizure. I called for help…. The principal, two paras, and several staff rushed to my aid. As my colleagues entered the room, our little friend SNEEZED and out shot the two red hots from her nose. She looked at me, smiled, and innocently reported, “Those were HOT!” I’ve never heard the end of it! I did, however, become a pre-k teacher in the same district a few of years later!

  8. Shibahn Landry

    My first year of teaching I had my students sitting on the floor. As I was getting something from my desk to join them, I could hear my kiddos (second graders) having a debate. On my age. Some of them asked me out right how old I was. I simply responded old enough. Well the debate continued. Finally one student said, “Well she’s married so she’s gotta be 30!” That saisfied the rest of them and I couldn’t help but giggle!

  9. Jen C

    I have so many it is hard to choose! Here is a good one..a student came to me saying another student had taken something of his. When I asked her, she admitted to taking it and was hoping to take it home. I explained that it was wrong to take something that didn’t belong to her and after returning the item I asked her to write an apology note. It read “I guess what I’ve learned my whole life is wrong. It’s not really finders keepers.”

  10. Alison Bodily

    Finding humor amidst my sorrow~ (*a dear friend had passed away the night before)

    My teaching name is Mrs. Bodily. I found a cute little red heart on my desk from a student to day that has “I love you” written on one side and my name on the other. The problem is that whomever wrote it misspelled ‘Bodily’ by putting in an extra ‘o’ and reversing the ‘d’. I have shed a few tears this morning* so maybe that student noticed . . .


    We have been studying Life Cycles and have completed all the requisite work involved in having Painted Lady Butterflies morph from larva in our room over the past few weeks. We went outside this morning to set them free, and it started out beautifully. The children oooo-ed and aaaaah-ed appropriately when one climbed onto my finger as I reached into the netted container. I raised my hand upwards and after a few majestic moments of wing-flapping, it took flight. It was beautiful!

    And then . . .

    I turned to reach into the container a second time to repeat this splendid process, when I heard the children shriek, “THE BIRD ATE THE BUTTERFLY!!!” I whipped back around in just in time to see a bird land on the top of the chain-link fence with – yes, that’s right – our butterfly in it’s beak!

    I was horrified, as were the students – for different reasons though.

    You see, I knew that out of the eight butterflies that made it out of their shells, four had become stuck in the fruit/juice that I had placed in their temporary habitat – just as the booklet instructed – and had not survived their gluttony. This, fortunately, had not been noticed by the students. When we went outside to release them I purposely went to the edge of the playground where a fence borders a weed infested empty lot so I could “release” those special ones into the weeds without fanfare.

    After the bird incident, I realized I was down to just a couple more to divert their attention . . . So I quickly attempted a second release a little closer to the fence – away from the giant winged butterfly hunter. That was successful so I went for the third and before I even got my arm above my head, another bird swooped in and took that one! By now the kids were near hysterical, so I cut my losses and dumped the remaining contents of our butterfly home and told the kids to run a lap. We called it recess and went back inside.

    Not sure if I’ll try that one again next year . . .

  11. M Tangen

    I taught in a one room, multi grade school with an attached teacherage for a few years. All my students were farm/ranch kids and had an idea of reproduction, however nothing prepared me for what was to come out ot the mouth of the babe! I have two dachshunds that were often in the classroom with us. One male one female. The kids asked me quite often if there were going to be puppies. I had always told them,not until my female was older. One day as I was teaching a subject to my two older students, my Kindergartners and 1st graders were having a discussion about whether or not my dog was going to have puppies. I hear this little kindergarten voice say ” Miss Tangen, does Sheppy have nuts” The older student I was standing next to made a bee line for the bathroom to laugh and without missing a beat I said ” Yes he does, just like you have to have a bull to get a calf” Nothing more was said and they went back to work and on to another topic at their table. It was all I could do to compose myself! This was a few years back and I can still hear that sweet little voice ask the most innocent of questions that still makes me laugh!

  12. Kim G.

    One day while I was walking down the hall in our school I ended up walking next to a line of kindergartners who were heading to their music class. One little girl grabbed my hand and looked up at me with big sparkling blue eyes and a giant grin. As we walked along she said, “Do you know what? Someday I’m going to be just like you!” I smiled back and said, “Oh really? So you want to be a teacher when you grow up?” She replied with a wrinkled up nose,”No way! I don’t really like school all that much. But, I AM going to have shoes like you that make that CLICK, CLICK, CLICK noise when I walk!”

  13. Blair

    I was in my first year of teaching 1st grade in South Carolina. My students had been learning about the solar system. We had made a paper mache solar system in the class and researched all of the planets. They really knew their stuff! On one of our last days, we were completing our KWL chart and the students had listed facts about all of the planets. They named the planets that the facts described. However, they could not remember Uranus. I kept probing, and they would give more facts about the planet. They simply couldn’t remember the planet’s name. After some time, a little boy raised his hand. It was as if the Heavens had parted and all of the sun’s light was streaming down onto this beautiful child’s face! I was so excited! I looked at the boy and said, “Yes, Jonathan (not his real name), and he looked me in the eye and excitedly yelled “Uterus!” I have never laughed so hard about anything in school before or since!

  14. Angela Watson

    You guys are cracking me up! I LOVE these! Thank you so much for taking the time to type them out for us!

  15. Kaci

    It was during the first few weeks of preschool and it was my first year of teaching. Ihad brought my kids back to our building after lunch and asked if anyone needed to use the bathroom. No one answered so I said “Okay, if you don’t need to go to the bathroom line up by the railing. If you do need to go to the bathroom, go over here next to the wall.” They lined up accordingly and I sent the ones against the rail to the playground with the other class. I turned to send the rest of them to the bathroom and noticed one of the boys was turned unbuttoning his pants and trying to pee on the wall! I had to quickly stop him and rush him into the building and my aide and I have joked about it ever since.

    • Shirley

      So now he chooses to follow your directions to the letter! LOL

  16. Monica Angell

    In one of my lessons in religion I asked one of my teenage students to read a paragraph loud. He struggled with the word “atheist” so I asked him: “What does atheist mean?”
    He muttered: “God knows….”

  17. Alexandra

    Over the years I’ve heard all sorts of things from my highschool students: that I’m like their aunt, that I look like someone on a tv show (the mother, the teacher), that I dress “architecturally” :/ , that I’ve got more eyelashes on one eye than on the other…but it wasn’t until this semester that I got this from a young lady in my research methods class: “teacher, when I’m in your class I feel that there are cameras, that the class is being taped and that we are on tv, you are the leading actress and we are all being watched by millions…tell me the truth teacher, are we being recorded?”
    I just stood there, waiting for something smart to come out of my mouth…NOTHING! … can’t wait to see what tops this!!
    Great stories from all your readers 🙂 thanks, Alexandra

  18. Wren

    The day before pajama day in our class I was reminding my students that the next day would be a special day. I told them that tomorrow was pajama day and that we didn’t even have to get dressed in the morning, we could just roll out of bed and come right to school in our pajamas! One little boy says, “I don’t like pajamas Miss Wren, I sleep in my underwear!” I said, “Oh my stars! Do not come to school in your underwear – only wear your pajamas!” The next morning another little boys mother tells me of the difficulty she had getting her son dressed in a fresh pair of pajamas for school, because he was refusing to put on his underwear! She asked her son why he wouldn’t put on his underwear and he told her Miss Wren said not to wear underwear to school!

  19. Kristina

    My 5th graders were abusing their bathroom privileges so I started charging for bathroom trips using our classroom economy (students get tickets for behavior, certain assignments and jobs). Well, my class did not like that one bit. At the end of class the next day as we were getting our things together, one student blurted out “Free the pee! Free the pee!”. It was such a great slogan that it immediately caught on and the entire class started chanting it. I had to laugh so hard, as it really is a great slogan.

    After that, I kept the bathroom taxation just long enough to start our American Revolution and “taxation without representation” unit 😉

  20. Nicole

    To build background for a story we were reading, my class and I were discussing different holidays and the reasons we celebrate them. With Easter nearby, my class decided to have a discussion about it. After one student finished explaining that we celebrate Easter because that’s the day Jesus rose from the dead, another one of my students (with a serious look on her face) replies, “Wouldn’t that make him a zombie?”

  21. Laura

    I had a student once ask me “Are teachers smarter than regular adults?” I tried as hard as I could not to laugh and said of course we are! I promptly wrote it down on a post-it and it has been on my computer monitor for the last 4 years in case I am having a bad day and need a good laugh.

  22. CD Greier

    The vocabulary list for one of our ESL units included ‘temple’, ‘church’ and ‘mosque’. Learning that I was not of the same religion as they were, two siblings later called me aside and, in innocent seriousness, asked “Teacher, do you WANT to go to Hell?”

  23. Bree Spivey

    I was teaching 3rd grade social studies and we were learning about the civil war in SC. I had them recording their time line of the civil war and one of my students was so excited to let me hear his. I put the head phones on and I heard him say…”AND THEN SOUTH CAROLINA SECEDED FROM THE ONION (union)!” I couldn’t stop laughing. This was my same child who also went into the cafeteria to get his salad. The woman gave him french dressing and he looked at her and said, “I don’t want french dressing. I like the English kind.” (Ranch) Everyday was full of laughs that year!

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  29. Harjot Kaur

    One day when I went for shopping one boy is standing on the gate firstly he was looking like a thief but suddenly I thought that he would be the gatekeeper than from another side the original gatekeeper was coming than my misunderstanding get clear than I believe that he would we the thief .I told this to gatekeeper he said that he is the owner of this shopping mall.

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